The Elves of Our Lives
by Random Nameless Person
Summary: Relatively funny soap opera-ish story-thing. pg to be on the safe side.
1. Default Chapter

The Elves of Our Lives  
Like sands through the hourglass, these are the Elves of Our Lives!!  
  
Me: Hello all! I'm the... odd author of this little fan fic! I'm gonna "let" the characters choose if they "want" to do this. *Holding a huge stick* Now do you want to or not?  
  
Legolas: Ummm...*Eyes the big stick* SURE!! Gimli: *Hesitates* Why not? Gandalf: You cannot make me*slams his big stick down* Clarice: Why in the world did you do that? Its stupid... Oh yes. Forgot to tell y'all that I am more than one person. So any odd unfamiliar name is probably Me. I can do that since I am the AUTHOR!! Muhahaha! Cast of LOTR: Nooooooo! Bobette: YESSSS!!!! Frodo: Why do we have to do this? Its humiliat- *Gets hit with Me's stick* Freeda: See? Tis why you must do this. Aragorn: Soooo what must we do? Me: Uhhhh... HUDDLE! *All the names I call myself huddle* Meghan: Soap Opera!! Me: I'd like other characters- *Random characters from random books fall from the sky* Alanna: I was fighting Roger!! Why do I have to come here? Me: I said so! Daine: Where's the animals? Animals! C'mere lil animals! *Wanders off* Numair: *shrugs* I should comfort Daine. *Wanders off after Daine* Pandora: They'll be back. In the meantime I'll tell y'all what you have to do. Kit: Which is... Me: I'll get to it! Shuddup before I hit you or force you and Alanna into a wrestling match! Kit & Alanna: *Gulps* Me: You have to carry on a half way decent soap opera & have commercials. Then after the soap opera goes off we'll have a Sing-Off. The funniest person wins, however many songs you want. Kit: What's the point? I could be fighting the Lone  
  
One & entropy but Neets & me are stuck here. Me: You better be glad you're my favorite character in the Young Wizards series. Or I'd make you and Alanna fence. Kit: *blushes* I'm not that good a character. Me: Oh shut up Kit *giggles* Meghan: Does that mean- Pandora: Of course that means- Clarice: NO WAY! It sooo doesn't mean- Freeda: Really?! OMG! It means- Bobette: Nuh uh! It seriously don't mean that- Me: Shut up Myselfs! It means- Neal: WHAT? What does it mean? *Bellows* Me: Meathead, be quiet so I can tell you. Neal: *blushes* Me: Now I will tell everyone what it means. It means the soap opera must start now! Everyone but myselfs: *groans* Myselfs: Start now! Gandalf: Like sands on an hourglass these are the Elves of Our Lives Legolas: Ooh Arwen, my sweet, marry me instead of that heart breaker of a king. Arwen: I can't. I love him... This is my only part in this whole stupid thing. I'm gonna make it las- *Slumps over dead* Legolas/Aragorn: Nooooooo! Gimli: Oops! I'm practicing my archery. Don't kill me! Artemis Fowl: You're a crappy archer! Harry Potter: I agree. *camera flash in da back ground* Lemony: Muhahaha! I can put this in my unauthorized auto-biography! Alanna: Dwarf! You are taller than me! I'll make you shorter! *Chops off arm* *Chops off other arm* *Chops off leg* *Chops off other leg* Alanna: Do you give up? *Chops off head* Gimli: No, tis a mere scratch! Alanna: *Kicks Gimli's head down a hill* Technically I win, you a de- feeted! Me: Commercial Break!  
  
Daine: If you have any problems with your pets, then just call 1-800- DAINETHEANIMALPSYCHIC! I will come over and ask your animal what is wrong or to get out of your yard or cure it if it is sick for $9.99 per call! Call now! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Briar: *singing to Veggie-Tale theme* If you need help with your plants Sandry: Or can't get grass stains out of your pants Tris: Or the weather isn't cooperating with vacation plaaaaans! Daja: Then have we got the help for you! B/S/T/D: The Circle of Magic  
The Circle of Magic  
The Circle of Magic ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
Gandalf: We are now returning to the Elves of Our Lives. Holly: *Holding Butler's hand* Butler! Butler! You CAN'T die Butler! You've been on the show too long! Even if you were impaled by bullets of a complete idiot! Butler: *Laying in a hospital bed looking like he had just been in a fight* *Squeezes Holly's hand* Holly: Butler!  
  
Juliet: *Talking on a cell phone* How is he? Jon: Not so good. It was the stalker, again. Artemis: With my amazing deducing abilities and my genius-ness, I shall find the stalker! Jon: *sarcastic* Oh wonderful one, how will you do so when even the professionals like George can't find anything? Artemis: *miffed* If any accident happens to you in the near future I am not the one to be blamed. Jon: Ummm I have to go intruder-proof Tortall and do some small exercises with the Dominion Jewel, ya know? In case the stalker decides to come... *Hangs up*  
  
Artemis: He he. Now I can finally get my hands on Tortall and the jewel and "accidentally" have Jon murdered at the same time! Wow! Am I on a roll or what? Lemony Snicket: I can help! Artemis: How? Lemony Snicket: I can help take pictures *snaps picture* Starting now! Then I can publicize you & you'll be rich & famous! Artemis: But I'm already rich and famous. So shut-up. You can be my pawn. Lemony: OOOhhh! Chess! Artemis: *sighs*  
  
Please r&r. pleeeeeeeeeeaaaaasssseeee! *begs on knees* -RNP 


	2. More stuff and grass blades

Elves of Our Lives Disclaimer: I don't own any of it. I own a pad of orange sticky-notes... but not any of the characters. sobs  
  
Gandalf:coughs Like sands couch through an hack hack hourglass wheeze hack these are hack cough hack the elves pass out from coughing spasms  
  
Ambulance guy 1: rushes out with a stretcher  
  
Ambulance guys 1 & 2: picks up Gandalf and tosses him on the stretcher rushes out making "wwwwwwhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrr" noises  
  
Raoul: Well since Gandalf has passed out from coughing spasms, I GET HIS PART!!! dances around a bit Ermm.. Sorry. Hem hem. Sands couch through an hack hack hourglass wheeze hack these are hack cough hack Oh forget this. Puts up a "This spot is cursed" sign stomps off  
  
Hermione: I demand to know why I'm here! I'm not an elf!  
  
All other non-elfin peoples unto which I dragged into this story: agree  
  
Me: Because I said so. So get back to work.  
  
All other non-elfin peoples unto which I dragged into this story & Hermione: scrubs various things for example a toaster, a hair dryer, a tree, cobblestones, and grass blades  
  
  
  
Lemony: snaps camera  
  
Camera: flash  
  
Lemony: OK. Now to the left a bit. Perfect.snap snap  
  
Jon: Erg... Spots...spots... How much longer till I'm done in this stupid pit?!  
  
an anvil falls on him  
  
large heavy and sharp objects including pianos, ships, rods, logs, and school food, fell on him  
  
Jon: moans  
  
Lemony: Oops. Must have pressed the "fall" button a little early.  
  
)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ((((((((((((((((  
  
Artemis: standing on Jon's throne holding the crown and dominion jewel Victoryyyyyyyyyy and Toorrtaaaaaaallllllll!! Argh gets hit with a broom  
  
Thayet: beating Artemis with a broom and smack stay smack out smack smakety smack  
  
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%  
  
Aphrodite (m/m means my memos sooo. m/m: just cuz I couldn't think of anyone else relatively worthy of Legolas. Sooo I said what the hey, I'll just use a Greek goddess) :Do you think the magenta or the flaming pink flamingo nail polish go best with the pink dress I got for going to the dance on Friday?  
  
muffled telephoneyish reply  
  
Aphrodite: The turquoise turtle? Ohhh I see. Ok. Ok. No way! She didn't!A broom you say? Uhh! That person!! You see her? She's running after you? Okey-dokey. See ya Arty! flips cell phone  
  
Legolas: Who was that?  
  
Gimli: Yea who's Arty?  
  
Aphrodite: Artemis... You know the cute little boy who wants to take over Tortall.  
  
Legolas: Why does he get a nick name? pouts  
  
Aphrodite: He's got a good nick name name. matter of factlyish  
  
One of her many guy-fans: I wanna nick name!  
  
Aphrodite: Couldn't hear because he's too far away in the crowds of her guy-fans snaps fingers We're out.  
  
Everyone: Leaves  
  
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°  
  
Lemony:throws toaster at Daine  
  
Daine: Numair! Lemony threw a toaster at me!  
  
Numair: says uniteligible stuff  
  
Lemony: sprouts limbs and turns into a tree  
  
Daine and Numair: laugh manically  
  
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRST  
  
Curious George: Hey you stole my name!  
  
George: Nuh-uh! Pshaw!  
  
argument rages on for hours  
  
both stomp off to rally forces  
  
CG: Come little zoo friends! Come help me defeat evil pig-killing (the warthogs looked pissed) name-stealing man!!  
  
opens all cages  
  
animals roar  
  
George: Come little thieve/warrior friends! opens door  
  
crowd roars  
  
both crowds rush forward  
  
clash  
  
a big dust cloud rises up  
  
-.0000002355 seconds later-  
  
George: rubs hands together as if to get imaginary dust off them OK. Good work!  
  
Light Fingers: Looks at all the cages Umm looks like the zoo moved.  
  
CG: We will not give up! Never!  
  
Alanna: Shut up you stupid monkey! throws a banana  
  
CG: Ooo goodie! Banana! grabs and peels banana which slipped just out of his grasp because it's unpeeled  
  
CG: NOOOOOOO!! THE END THE END THE END THE END THE END THE END  
  
My last memo for today: Well I've been lazy a little bit busy. I was going to get this up yesterday but we went to a hospital. Surprise surprise! It was my step-dad who planned this unexpected little visit to his mom! WOW. I love hospitals! The wonderful queasy feeling in your stomach which makes you want to hurl... Annieways (for dishy) I better shut up. Oh and my step-grandma is fine. Sooos. Gotta go now. Bye til a little bit. (maybe) 


End file.
